and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
