i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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