Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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