Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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