Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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