I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
