yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
