Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
