I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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