went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize