Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize