The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's Friday. Sex?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
