very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize