There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
