And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
