I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
