there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
