I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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