I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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