shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
