Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
