tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize