If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
