I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
