just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
