After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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