Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
