I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
