I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
