there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i already hear my dad disowning me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
