Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
