If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
