dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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