Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
