Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
