there were more penises there than on chat roulette
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
