super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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