THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
