a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
