Your tits are I can't wait for
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you would pick up someone in the library
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
