What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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