I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
