what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize