Will you blow on my dice?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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