Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
