I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
