I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
