i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
