i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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