You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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