ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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