My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
