I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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