Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
