So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
