He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
