he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
