i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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