I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
