she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
