Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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