literally had 100 drinks last night.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
