After last night, I could never be a politician.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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