I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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