everyone is single if you try hard enough
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
