Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
this is an emotional support booty call
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
