Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
