the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
