Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
