I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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