All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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