what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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