So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
