He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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