doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
please come you make the beer taste better
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
