he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
