Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
