First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize