I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
