If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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