so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
