Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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